On There's No Place Like Home Post the Holidays

I know this is probably not a popular viewpoint, but I really dislike the Holidays.  Not all of the Holidays, I like the traditions, the good food, and (most of the time) the family.  But what I really don't like about the Holidays is how it throws off my schedule.  Now, not to sound too rigid, but I like my schedule.  I guess it makes me feel like there is some order and reason in an otherwise chaotic world.  Its not that I mind if my schedule changes even; I am not married to my regime on any particular day.  What I find stressful about the Holidays is the way in which for weeks before and weeks after Christmas and New Years life cannot easily return to "normal".  Now don't start lecturing me about how there is no such thing as 'normal' outside cycles on washing machines or what have you . . . I am simply saying that in preparation for the Holidays I spend my weekends shopping and prepping and packing, and after the Holidays I spend weekends trying to relax again and get over the fatigue.  Not to mention that the Holidays fall right in the middle of Winter which is already a tough season given the lack of sunlight, the cold, and the general sleepiness of society because really, lets face it, Mother Nature would really prefer that we all be inside sleeping and hibernating.  Here we are on January 10th and I am just beginning to shake my post-Holiday fatigue.

I think part of the fatigue, besides coming from all the shopping, wrapping, traveling, partying, eating, family-ing, and traveling home again, comes from the emotionality of the Holidays.  Every year I get better at managing my emotions, but every year I am struck by how my family and the "traditions" of the season can send me back into an emotional tailspin.  I find that while I am not necessarily spinning out of control - I am not going to necessarily end up on Springer (or Tyra I suppose for a more modern reference) for any of my behavior during the Holidays - I am also not nearly as composed during the Holidays as I am during the rest of the year.  Perhaps it is the influence of family that causes me to revert to past childish behaviors.  Or perhaps it is the expectations that our society puts on the act of gift giving, and the impossible expectations that we bestow to such an act.  In any case I always find myself drained, sad and exhausted.

I really want to like the Holidays.  It would, I suppose, be the more PC thing to do.  I suppose it would mean that I am really connecting to the spirit of the Holidays; that I was above the fray of any family drama; that I lived without expectations of gifts or illusions that my family could "really know" what I "really wanted".   But I just don't.  I begrudge the fact that I don't have any resolutions, that I am materialistic and want gifts, and that I let my family make me crazy.

And mostly I get aggravated because every year I get thrown out of my routine and I lose my sense of balance.  I lose my routine, my calm, and my rhythm.  Its silly I know.  But I have been MIA for the last few weeks because I feel like somehow my time is constantly evaporating as a direct result of the Holidays.  Its illogical.  But I want to regain my balance.  I want to regain my sense of control over my life.  I want to regain my peace and space.  I suppose these things shouldn't be so fleeting as to be able to be compromised by the chaos of the Holidays, but they have been.  I spent this weekend just vegging with Brad and it was great.  I was, as my brother says "a complete waste of oxygen" but it was nice.  Nice to somehow reconnect to each other and our priorities.  We didn't accomplish anything per say - except watching a ridiculous amount of TV - but it felt like we were slowly regaining our energy and our mojo to do whatever it was we wanted with our time and our emotions.  That we were getting back into our rhythm again  - and that was nice.