Olympic Potential

Do you remember when the Winter and Summer Olympics were held in the same season?  It feels like that was so long ago . . . My family was always really into watching the Olympics together - with Dominoes pizza and glasses of milk in the basement of our houses.  Goodness I feel old!

My Dad tells this story about how one year, while watching the Olympics with the family, I jumped up on the couch and asked my Dad, "Daddy, what is my talent?"  He claims that I was watching the Summer gymnastics but I remember it being watching Kristi Yamaguchi. Regardless, I would watch the Olympics as a child and long to be as good at something as any of the athletes were at their respective sports.  I wanted to be good at one identifiable thing.  It almost didn't matter to me what that thing was, I just wanted to be clear on what my talent was, and I suppose as any kid, being an athlete seemed like the obvious answer.  I tried my hand as a kid at both gymnastics and ice skating, but I am not really a hard core athlete, so that didn't really work out. I tried field hockey and softball and volleyball in junior high, but still no luck.  I struggled because I wanted so badly to be good at something - anything!  I just wanted to be able to complete the phrase "I am a _____" and I could never figure out what that blank was, or could be, in my life.


I don't think that yearning to be clear on what I was good at has ever ended in my life.  To this day, the most stinging insult I have ever been dealt came my Sophomore year of college when my roomate Ali told me I was "a jack of all trades."  I was trying to decide what my major was, and lacking a clear focus, Ali called it like she saw it.  She was right and I think that's why the comment hurt so much.  I didn't even really know what I wanted to study in school.   Lacking a clear direction or passion I wanted to be a bit of everything -- what I have ended up was a little bit of everything and not a lot of any one thing.  Although, I have to say, I'm really fun at cocktail parties because I know a little bit about a lot of things and can pretty much talk to anyone about something. 

So I am not a great athlete.  I was a good student but not a great student.  I am a good employee but not a driven employee. I am a sort of perpetually coming in just under greatness -- maybe greatness is too big of a word -- its more like mediocrity.  I feel like I am not making a major contribution in any one field or genre.  I am just sort of schlepping through the middle.  I have lots of guilt about this.  I think it has always made me feel sort of purposeless, superfluous even.  Like what exactly is the point of my existence?  Does the world really need more mediocre?

So that's what I am thinking about tonight as I watch the Olympics tonight.  As I watch these amazing athletes make their respective sports look so easy its almost hard to believe that not everyone can do it!! As always, these athletes remind me of what I cannot do -- and -- I suppose -- of what I can . . .

Namaste,
~Clare